fun at WORK

Due to the constant fluctuation in customer personalities, we cannot be responsible for the mental stability of any one member of our staff. (Seen in a gas station in Toronto, Ontario, Canada)

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Remember there's no I in team... (but there is an M and an E)

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.

After all is said and done, more is said than done.

After the government takes enough to balance the budget, the taxpayer has the job of budgeting the balance.

Another month ends. All targets met. All systems working. All customers satisfied. All staff eagerly enthusiastic. All pigs fed and ready to fly.

Dear IRS, Please cancel my subscription.

Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.

God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die.

Hard work spotlights the character of people; some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all!

I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.

I don't mind the rat race but I could do with a little more cheese.

I love my work, I could sit and watch it all day long.

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

I've got to get back to work. When I stop rowing, the slave ship just goes in circles.

If at first you don't succeed, give up. No use being a damn fool.

If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Illegitmitatum Non Carborundum Est - Never let the bastards grind you down!

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they pissed me off.

Every time I think I've hit the bottom, someone lends me a shovel.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

Nobody notices what I do until I don't do it.

Not only do I not know what's going on, but I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

Note on a door: Out to lunch... if not back by five, out for dinner also.

Quote from the Boss: I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.

Save time... see it my way.

Someday it's just not worth chewing through the restraints...

Sorry - yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.

Sorry I'm late, I'll leave early to make up for it.

Teamwork means: A lot of mindless idiots doing exactly what the boss says!

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) has determined that the maximum safe load capacity on my butt is two persons at a time, unless I install handrails or safety straps. Since you have arrived sixth in line to RIDE MY ASS today, please take a number and WAIT YOUR TURN!

The only person getting his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.

The problem with the rat race is even if you win you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin

They can't fire me. Slaves have to be sold.

They say the pen is mightier than the sword (if you miss a deadline, you'd better bring the sword).

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.